Mood

10 Reasons Why I Am In A Mood:

1. PMT. Enough said, I think.
2. My not-so-adorable border terrier Pumpkin has got hold of a pair of my heels. I don't know how strong her teeth are, but she managed to chew straight through the heel of one of them. Also, they were a London-charity-shop find, and so are irreplaceable.
3. I have put on ridiculous amounts of weight due to recent comfort eating, highlights of which include: an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's Baked Alaska ice cream, a whole meat feast pizza, and a box of Lily o Briens'.
4. I spilt bleach down my favorite hoodie, and it doesn't look good in a 'fashion statement' sort of way.
5. Mathsmathsmaths. Grr.
6. I've had 7 hours sleep in the past 3 days- it's all party, party, party around here.
7. As a result of said partying, the balls of my feet are in agony.
8. My parents have decided they dislike my boyfriend (who I had a steamy sleepover with on Friday, not that they need to know about that), simply because he's my boyfriend.
9. A picture of my nipple my have got onto Facebook- don't even ask.
10.I didn't get to make a snow angel before the snow thawed out. Boo.

Failure

Here I am again, curled up in bed, boxsets and coffee on standby.
I am once again loveless, jobless and hapless. My boss has ended my trial period; a one-night-stand I thought I could fall for fucked someone else in my absence; and, as a result of putting myself out there for a guy who is a renowned player, I am now a laughing stock and inspiration for pity.
Really, I just want to tell certain people to stay away and quit invading my privacy, but I'm much too polite for any of these aggressions to be voiced.
But you know what? Yes, I am loveless, jobless and hapless, but I feel more awake than I have done for a long time. My weekends are my own again, and I can revisit past crushes with a new perspective. And it'll teach me not to turn up to go clubbing until 5am when I have work in four hours, and that I should maybe stop falling for one night stands.
I guess I'm broadly perceived as a bit of a failure- there are bigger, better, badder, faster, cooler, prettier girls than me almost everywhere I go. I'm known for being crippled by clumsiness, a caffeine addiction, and constant desire for affection and eyeliner. I never get the guy and my name provokes laughter from complete strangers. But I am what I am- and it's far from perfect but fuck it. I'll live.

Changed

Something very strange has happened- I write to you a changed woman. From out of nowhere, it seems, I have developed self-esteem.
I was in a changing room in Henry Street, Dublin, and it just occurred to me that my reflection was no longer something I felt uncomfortable with.
Now, I don't seem as afraid- I can say what I wanted to say without fear of rejection. When the token dickheads of the party scene get nasty, I don't murmur an awkward comeback- I flick the V's right in their faces. If a house party is wank, I can go steal the double bed with my girlfriends at 2am, without giving a fuck if people think I'm lame.
And- most importantly- when a boy tilted his head toward mine a familiar way, I wasn't hit by the usual waves of anxiety. There was just me, him and the kiss.
And it felt fucking fantastic.

Identity

Everyone is alot of different people, all bound together by flesh and nails and veins. We are several different people during our lives, and we may not like them all.
Who am I now? I'm the girl with big, uncontrollable hair, who spends lazy weekends in surfer hoodies and skinny jeans. I am the girl who bites off all of her electric blue nail polish, no matter how many times she reapplies. I am the girl who is comfortable with the fact she has shit music tastes. I am the girl who has always seen her hometown as a playground, and knows the back-alley hideaways where you can find cheap books and good food. I am the girl who dances like an idiot at the backs of buses. I am the girl who constantly wonders 'What If?', and yearns for an adventure. I am the girl who tries to pass casually funny comments on social networking sites, and then prays that somebody replies. I am the girl who makes an effort with all of her friends' paramours, even if they don't stick around for too long.
And I am the girl who's trying not to admit that she's feeling a little lonely right now...